I was thinking back to when i was a child living at home in a big four story house I was in the living room when the door bell wrang my dad answered it and all i heard was a woman say theres a dog on the roof I emmediately ran up stairs to the top of the house to see that my small dog had climbed out of the open window and was standing in the gutter of this very tall house I loved my dog so i stretched out of the window not even thinking of the danger i was in because i loved my dog and wanted i did with only seconds to spare why am i telling you this? because thats the way im seeing my walk with god what im saying is that when God ask me to do or say something he wants me to just act upon it in the way i acted upon my instinct to save my dog and thats what i want to do because i love God and God loves me and knows me more than i know myself and thinking first only gives time for fear to come in so God says in his word ” trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto thy own understanding” only last week i was just looking out the window in the house of prayer as i was sitting at the desk looking at the clouds and just the awesomeness of the sky thats over us every day and it just made me think of God hes soo big and hes watching over us all day and the sky is all part of his great creation and i am one of many on this earth at this time and God is saying for such a time as this; so i just think to myself dont let time just pass me by every day is a new day

On Wednesday - my first day on fire school Pastor Ken talked to us about faith and how to grow in faith.  I was very encouraged by the message about how - even a very little mustard seed sized faith can actually move a mountain.  The message about how when we use our faith it gets bigger and that even if we start with a little bit - the deposit we all have - that faith can grow into a mountain moving type faith.

The encouragement stayed in me until it was time to actually use my faith and then I was very challenged.  I went to visit family - some of whom I hadn’t seen for a few years and when I saw the pain that my auntie is in I was moved with compassion and wanted to pray for a healing miracle there and then - I didn’t - but God was in my case still so I was burning to pray and then - at the very last moment I finally said that I would ask God for healing for them all and for our baby cousin who had been very, very ill.  The response of my Uncle wasn’t the doubtful one I’d expected but ‘That would be really nice - to be healed’.

Even though until that point I’d not had the courage to say it when I did and they accepted it I felt that tiny little bit of faith (and knew that it wasn’t enough - what if that was their day for healing?) - but I knew it grew a little bit just because I used it a little and I will grow more in faith by exercising the little faith I have.

The message of finding miracles to pray for has really hit my heart and that is what I want!

I have a deposit of faith but it will grow beyond all fear and God will do many miracles and I am excited to see it!

I am just sitting in my room and listening to the new Misty Edwards cd Relentless and there is one song which has really caught my heart: “I Will Waste My Life” and it has started me thinking about Fireschool and why I am here doing what I do. And I thought I would put some thoughts down here as a record and testament to the awsomeness of my beloved Jesus.

Fireschool for me is about so many different things. It is first of all, such an honour to serve God in this way, God literally rescued my life from the depths of despair, and to now be serving the one I adore is such a privilege and a testimony to His eternal grace.

From the outside, it looks somewhat foolish as do so many of the things of God I guess. A few people devoting their time to hear God, to learn to recognise His beautiful voice and to learn to move with the Holy Spirit and catch His heart for the issues of this nation and world and then to pray them through. From a worldly point of view it looks so small but for His own reasons, God has put it on our hearts to devote ourselves to this. Personally, I know there was so much selfishness in me about Fireschool when I first started. All I could think about was how I needed God to heal me and set me free and that this year would be all about that and God has for sure done so many miracles of healing in my life and changed my character and yet there was a small part of my heart that was just desperate to love God more and more and more. I wanted to get to know this God who had saved me over and over and over again throughout my life, I wanted to hear His voice clearly and learn to depend on Him and just love Him like He deserves to be loved. And God being so gracious saw that tiny part of my heart and it made Him smile and so He started to take me on that journey that will really be a life’s work.

We are just starting our 6th month now, and I never want it to end. I have seen people saved, their lives transformed, I have seen healings and deliverances, all to God’s glory. But most of all, I have seen the most important commandment “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind and all your strength” taking place in people’s lives and I have seen God lead all of us into this. None of this is possible without God moving us to it.

In my own life, for about the first 3 months, it was the constant cry of my heart, “I want to love you more than I do Jesus!” every time we prayed for each other, I would ask for that, for God to help me love Him more, and now I know that I’m past the point of no return. I could never go back to my old life, it holds nothing for me, all I can do is continue and move forward with Jesus, take hold of his hand, my best friend, the one who never forsakes me and let Him lead me on.

Am I finished? Is the work completed in my life? Of course not. There are things that I will have to overcome continuously probably until the day I die. Have I reached that place of loving God as much as i possibly can? No way. My heart is still so fickle and my flesh so very alive but I have the very start of a revelation of God’s love for me and by His grace, I have a mustard seed of love for my Lord and that for now is enough. This is my public declaration of my intention to waste my life for you Jesus because there is nothing without you, I am nothing without you my beloved. The one who wrote my name on His hands. Who was pierced for my transgressions. Who looks at me and sees that the price He paid was worth it. So Lord, here is my promise to you:

“I will waste my life I’ll be tested and tried, with no regrets inside of me to find I’m at your feet.

I’ll leave my father’s house and I’ll leave my mother, I’ll leave all I have known and I’ll have no other.

I am in love with you there is no cost, I am in love with you there is no loss I am in love with you I want to take your name I am in love with you I want to cling to you Jesus Just let me cling to you Jesus.

I’ll say goodbye to my father my mother I’ll turn my back on every other lover and I’ll press on yes I’ll press on.”

 - Misty Edwards “I will waste my life”