I realised today, while I was praying at the HoP, that although I heard the teaching from John Sandford in 2006 on burden-bearing in intercession, hearing the teaching isn’t enough. You have to learn by experience. Unfortunately I’m quite a slow learner when it comes to these things and I regularly feel like i’m going crazy. My most common prayer to God, which He must be sick of hearing is, ‘what’s wrong with me?’.  I remember a time in the HoP right at the beginning of Fire School in October or November of 2006. It was a Friday evening prayer meeting and I was kneeling at the front quietly crying to God with such agony in my heart because I felt such hunger in my heart for Him to fill me, meet me, satisfy me. It felt like I never got enough, and that I walked around most days with an ache in my heart that never really went away. As I knelt there, The Holy Spirit clearly spoke to me. He said ‘this is no longer just the cry of your heart, but I’m putting in you the hunger of the church and the hunger of your nation.’  How easily I forget the words that God speaks to me! Really, its quite ridiculous.  For months now, I have felt like no matter how much I love God, my heart is moving further and further away. There are times when I come into His presence and He completely floods me with Himself. I feel at rest, and my striving after Him has come to an end. Then there are other times, and these have become more and more frequent, when I feel empty and utterly seperated from God, my heart like stone.  It seems like my cries fall on deaf ears. There’s a wall that I cant cross, and I feel hopeless and despairing.  I begin to search for hidden sin in my heart, look for something I might be doing wrong, and ask God the Question… ‘What’s wrong with me?’. It happened to me again today.  After an utterly amazing prayer meeting last night, where God met my heart, spoke to me, filled me, and did a miracle in my heart and mind, I turned up at the HoP today excited and ready to launch into an amazing time of intercession. Nothing. Hellooo? Anybody there? The familiar ache settled over my heart. The Question was uttered yet again. Then suddenly, God spoke. ‘Katie, honestly, why do you always think its about you? There’s nothing wrong with you. If you had some hidden sin, dont you think I would tell you, convict you? Your heart’s not hard. I just want you to pray what you feel because this is what the majority of your nation feels. Its a burden, silly.’  Oh yes, I remember.  Literally within two minutes of me praying on behalf of my nation out of what I felt, standing in the gap, the tears came. My heart felt soft and connected. There was passion and feeling in what I said to God instead of frustration and confusion.  I wish I would learn more quickly. 

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 23rd, 2008 at 5:34 pm and is filed under Fire-School. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

I realised today, while I was praying at the HoP, that although I heard the teaching from John Sandford in 2006 on burden-bearing in intercession, hearing the teaching isn’t enough. You have to learn by experience. Unfortunately I’m quite a slow learner when it comes to these things and I regularly feel like i’m going crazy. My most common prayer to God, which He must be sick of hearing is, ‘what’s wrong with me?’.  I remember a time in the HoP right at the beginning of Fire School in October or November of 2006. It was a Friday evening prayer meeting and I was kneeling at the front quietly crying to God with such agony in my heart because I felt such hunger in my heart for Him to fill me, meet me, satisfy me. It felt like I never got enough, and that I walked around most days with an ache in my heart that never really went away. As I knelt there, The Holy Spirit clearly spoke to me. He said ‘this is no longer just the cry of your heart, but I’m putting in you the hunger of the church and the hunger of your nation.’  How easily I forget the words that God speaks to me! Really, its quite ridiculous.  For months now, I have felt like no matter how much I love God, my heart is moving further and further away. There are times when I come into His presence and He completely floods me with Himself. I feel at rest, and my striving after Him has come to an end. Then there are other times, and these have become more and more frequent, when I feel empty and utterly seperated from God, my heart like stone.  It seems like my cries fall on deaf ears. There’s a wall that I cant cross, and I feel hopeless and despairing.  I begin to search for hidden sin in my heart, look for something I might be doing wrong, and ask God the Question… ‘What’s wrong with me?’. It happened to me again today.  After an utterly amazing prayer meeting last night, where God met my heart, spoke to me, filled me, and did a miracle in my heart and mind, I turned up at the HoP today excited and ready to launch into an amazing time of intercession. Nothing. Hellooo? Anybody there? The familiar ache settled over my heart. The Question was uttered yet again. Then suddenly, God spoke. ‘Katie, honestly, why do you always think its about you? There’s nothing wrong with you. If you had some hidden sin, dont you think I would tell you, convict you? Your heart’s not hard. I just want you to pray what you feel because this is what the majority of your nation feels. Its a burden, silly.’  Oh yes, I remember.  Literally within two minutes of me praying on behalf of my nation out of what I felt, standing in the gap, the tears came. My heart felt soft and connected. There was passion and feeling in what I said to God instead of frustration and confusion.  I wish I would learn more quickly. 

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 23rd, 2008 at 5:34 pm and is filed under Fire-School. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.